Are
You Making These Three Web Writing Mistakes?
by
Ivan Levison
George
Lois, the great art director, was once asked how he could tell
if an ad was bad.
"Easy,"
he said. "I pick up the ad, take a look at it, and if I
vomit, I know it's bad."
I
can relate to what George was talking about. So many Web sites
out there are so God-awful that they often make me want to drop
my cookie - and not the one in my System Folder!
As
you may have noticed, it's the ugly graphics that jump out at
you first. I'm talking about . . .
Web
pages filled with disgusting purple type reversed out of a black
background . . . Home pages so dense with text, you feel discouraged
before you even start reading . . . Stilted stock photos of
attractive "executives" sitting around conference
tables looking distressingly eager and upbeat. (I have never
been to a meeting in Silicon Valley where anyone ever looked
remotely like these people.)
Of
course, the Web as it exists today isn't about graphics. It's
about words. And because I'm a copywriter who writes for the
Web on a daily basis, I pay close attention to how companies
handle their cybercopy. Here's what I've discovered.
Some
organizations do a wonderful job, but all too many settle for
very mediocre writing indeed. Let me offer a few extremely representative
examples of weak writing (not the worst by any means!), followed
by some comments that may prove helpful. I'm using fictitious
company names, but the words are pulled right off the Web:
EXAMPLE
#1:
"Welcome
to XYZ Software's on-line home. If this is your first visit,
or if you are a return visitor, please tell us a little about
yourself and how we can make your next visit more useful."
Comment:
Immediately after welcoming the visitor to the Web site, the
visitor is grilled for personal information so that their next
visit will be "more useful."
What
XYZ Software needs to understand is that there won't BE many
next visits. You see, you can't expect someone to returnto your
Web site unless you give them something of real value NOW! Asking
them to provide personal information up front is a guaranteed
way to turn people off.
The
Moral:
Don't be pushy on your home page.
EXAMPLE
#2:
"Welcome
to ABC Software: ABC Software publishes award- winning consumer
software products for health, diet, nutrition and recipes. Our
mission, since 1987, is to educate consumers about healthy diets
and provide information about optimum eating patterns. We arecommitted
to improving public health."
Comment:
ABC Software may provide you with a healthy diet, but their
copy is larded with clichés. "Our mission, since
1987 . . ." Puh-leeeeze. Let's drop those pompous Mission
Statements unless you're the United Nations. A Mission Statement
can hang out in an annual report, or at the back of a capabilities
brochure if you insist, but it doesn't belong on your home page.
It's so stuffy, self-important, and overblown. Lose it!
The
Moral:
Avoid Mission Statements. Keep the rhetoric, the tone, the "voice"
contemporary and lively!
EXAMPLE
#3:
"XYZ
Software has been helping innovative companies provide world-class
customer service via e-mail and online transactions for more
than twelve years. We know your time is valuable, and we know
all too well how much time it takes to define and solve problems,
before you take that first step up the learning curve."
Comment:
The first sentence explains that XYZ has a lot of experience.
The second talks about time being valuable. There is no logical
connection between the two sentences. What you've got here is
a complete non sequitor. Am I sounding a bit like your junior
high English teacher? Hey, this stuff matters! Your readers
may not be aware of problems with the logical flow of your copy,
but your Web pages will sound weak and flabby. If this kind
of thing permeates your entire site, you'll be dying a death
from thousand cuts and not even know it.
The
Moral:
Make sure your Web copy is tight, sharp, and crisp!
